Re-addressing Balance

Before lockdown, I lived a life in sixth gear. I say that like I know how gears work, however, I don’t. I’m not a car aficionado. Sue me. Actually, please don’t, I need to feed my dog.

I walked through most weeks with a commonplace sense of urgency. Things all needed to be done yesterday, and I would say yes to everything without much consideration.

I liked being busy. I liked a full plate and I liked running on fumes (for the most part). Busy to me made me feel like I was working hard, working towards my long list of goals and doing the right thing. I never really questioned feeling frazzled, sleep deprived and stressed. It just was a part of my life.

I would fill every free space on my social calendar, and in hindsight, it wasn’t because I necessarily wanted to, it was because I felt like I had to, because after all these are the years I am meant to be making memories.

However, now that life is returning to what feels like a sense of normalcy, after the prolonged standstill, I don’t think I am ready. In fact, I know I am not ready. What I am ready for is to re-address the balance.

“However, now that life is returning to what feels like a sense of normalcy, after the prolonged standstill, I don’t think I am ready. In fact, I know I am not ready. What I am ready for is to re-address the balance.”

During the last five months, like most people, I noticed that my brain and body enjoy moving at a slower pace. This isn’t a groundbreaking epiphany, but it is one I needed to experience. For me, moving at a slower pace allows me to feel a stronger connection between body and mind; something that has been missing. Missing because of the pace of my life, distractions and not putting in the time for self reflection. Having the space to open up mentally for deep reflection and analyse how I want to move forward in a post lock-down world has been the greatest gift of all. For the first time in what feels like forever, I have been able to access a mindset in which I have had time to think, not just react.

Now that we are circling back socially and my workload is returning to “normal”, I have been experiencing an almost panicked response. It took me a couple of days to figure out why I was experiencing such intense emotions surrounding this, but I now know that it is the fall out of everything we, as a collective have experienced over the last few months. I know I am absolutely not alone in these feelings. 

So what will this mean for me? What does it mean to re-balance?

For me, instead of living a task-orientated life, I will be re-setting boundaries for my time. I will in essence, be slowing down. 

I am 31, without children, so I know this comes from a place of privilege. What this means is, I want to be in control of saying “NO”, to certain work things when my plate is too full. I won’t be filling voids. I will be selective socially. I won’t feel selfish for choosing myself or when I let friends and family know I can’t make it as I need alone time. I will be choosing things which calm my mind and slow my mind down when “busy” feels like it’s creeping back in. And lastly I will be keeping myself in check a lot more than I did prior to this experience.

This experience was tough mentally, but what a privilege it’s been to be able to see both sides, reset and gain perspective from it. 

And for the record, the car to the left, probably has gears.